The headscarf is contagious

This week's episode of America's Next Top Model was the best in weeks. Maybe the best of the cycle so far. No, really. So many awesome things happened I don't know how I'm going to fit them all into one recap. My wrist is still sore from all the notes I had to take. Jael lays a verbal smackdown on Renee, 50 Cent throws someone in a pool, Nicole Richie starts drama, and Dread Pirate Tyra makes a cameo. What more could you ask for? Well, maybe some sexy half-naked men, but no show is perfect.

The theme song on this show, which Tyra "sings," by the way, is so suggestive. Do I wanna be on top? Well. That's a rather personal question, isn't it?

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Whitney is sad that Diana is gone, but she knows Diana would have wanted her to "go beat them skinny bitches." I'm sure Diana would have preferred to beat them herself, but whatever keeps you going, Whitney.

Tyra Mail! "Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? —love Tyra." The girls are confused, but I can't even make fun of them cuz I didn't get it either. It all makes sense later, though, so just hang on.

In an interview, Renee talks trash about all of the other girls while wearing some sort of scarf wrapped around her head. Oh God, y'all. It's catching. Except, she doesn't look like a pirate. She looks like some Russian babushka. What the hell? Is it suddenly chilly in the Top Model house? Is she just stupid? Oh. I think I just answered my own question.

PS - Brittany's weave has taken on a life of its own. It gets worse every week. Please, somebody help her head. Now.

Twiggy is thinking, "Man, Melrose looks older than I do."

Hello, my name is Wholahay

Whitney and I had the same reaction to Jael's smackdown.

Jael makes a splash after 50 cent throws her in the pool

Dread Pirate Tyra plays Oprah

Dead Hamster

Let me know if you want to see the judging photos. I can always upload those as well. See you next week!