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News, Reviews & Commentary on Gay and Bisexual Men in Entertainment and the Media

snicks

by snicks

Babes in Armor: Ten of our favorite action and fantasy movie heroines

*Note: This post originally ran on May 22nd, 2008

We love our fantasy/sci-fi women ... ladies who can wield a sword or rocket launcher as well as any man, but do it so much more stylishly and, in some cases, in much less clothing! Here are ten women we definitely want on our side in the heat of battle.

Jane Fonda as "Barbarella"
in Barbarella

"Queen of the Galaxy" is a tough moniker to live up to, but if anyone can do it, Barbarella can. She has to deal with murderous children and their killer dolls, horny aliens, a blind (albeit hot) angel, and Anita Pallenberg as an eyepatch wearing assassin who REALLY wants to get to know her. Best of all, she shows us the proper way to strip in zero gravity, and you can see it HERE, in one of the greatest (and mildly NSFW) openings in film history.

Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley
in Aliens

The grande dame of sci-fi action heroes, Ellen Ripley not only battled slimy aliens, but an even slimier Paul Reiser, as well as a couple of unworthy sequels (not even death could stop her!). I have to give a special shoutout to Jenette Goldstein in the memorable role of Vazquez, but no one can come close to the iconic status of Ripley.

Melanie Griffith as "E. Johnson"
in Cherry 2000

Before she let the river run in Working Girl, Melanie Griffith starred in this cult film as a post-apocalyptic mercenary (is there any other kind?). She's hired to find a computer chip for a futuristic sex doll, but teaches the man in search of it a lesson about how much better a real flesh & blood woman is (especially when that woman can snap your neck like a twig). You can view the trailer HERE.

You can see more favorite fantasy females after the break

Sandahl Bergman as "Valeria"
in Conan the Barbarian

It takes a hell of a woman to go chest to breastplate with Conan, but Valeria more than held her own against the overmuscled lug. Watching her reminds us of Ginger Roger's statement about dancing with Fred Astaire: "I did everything he did, but I did it backwards ... and in heels". You can see the trailer for Conan the Barbarian HERE.

Grace Jones as "Zula"
in Conan the Destroyer

Valeria didn't survive to appear in the sequel, but thankfully, Zula was there to take her place (well, not in all areas ... Conan didn't "pull up to her bumper"). This role was tailor made for the incomparable Grace Jones, she may not have been perfect for other roles, but she was perfect for this. You can see the trailer HERE.

Brigitte Nielsen as "Red Sonja"
in Red Sonja

Before she became a celebreality star (and one-time main squeeze of Flavor Flav), Brigitte Nielsen had an actual acting career, and this was her shining moment. As warrior Red Sonja, she sliced and diced her way through a land filled with mechanical creatures, comical sidekicks, and a predatory lesbian villain. You can see Red Sonja in action HERE.

Linda Hamilton as "Sarah Connor"
in Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Don't mess with mom! Sarah Connor went from a timid victim in the first Terminator to a fierce, pumped up warrior. Can you imagine her dropping you off at school, kissing you on the cheek, and reminding you that you're the future savior of all humanity? I asked my mother why she never did that for me, and she responded with "Isn't it enough that I left myself be seen with you?" You can the trailer HERE.

Angelina Jolie as "Lara Croft"
in Tomb Raider

I never liked the Tomb Raider games (why couldn't she just grab onto the ledge like I wanted her to?!), but the first movie was a hoot(ers). Before she was saving the world in real life, Angelina Jolie was saving the world in Tomb Raider, and future Bond Daniel Craig lent her a hand. Who else could shoot two guns at the same time, while shaking other, faker guns at the camera?

Caroline Munro as "Stella Star"
in Starcrash

Starcrash is a sci-fi epic from the late 70's, and also one of the greatest films ever made (despite what Brian Juergens says!). Caroline Munro, one of the greatest B-movie exploitation beauties ever, stars as Stella Star, who is obviously the heir apparent to Barbarella. Of course, Barbarella only had to deal with the advances of Anita Pallenberg, Stella had to cope with partnering with ... Marjoe Gortner. You can see the trailer for this classic slice of cheese HERE.

Karen Allen as "Marion Ravenwood"
in Raiders of the Lost Ark

To bring us full circle, we have the fierce and feisty Marion Ravenwood. Originally envisioned as a damsel in distress, Karen Allen insisted on making her into a tough, independent heroine, who could drink any man under the table. Raiders of the Lost Ark was all the better for it, and the good news is that Marion will finally be reunited with Indy in the new Jones adventure.

Of course, there are plenty of other kick ass fantasy/sci-fi heroines, like Carrie Ann Moss in the Matrix, Lori Petty in Tank Girl, Charlize Theron in Aeon Flux, Pam Anderson in Barb Wire ... and I suppose you could include Carrie Fisher from those Star Wars films ... but those are the most overrated pieces of junk ever made (There ... I said it).

Who's your favorite?

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  • Brent Hartinger's picture

    You. Did. NOT. Call. STAR. WARS. Overrated!!!

    Okay, I'm with you on the last three and a half. But the first two...WARS and EMPIRE...are sublime. Snicks, is this the end for us? Is our pop culture mind meld subsequently doomed?! Read my books! Explore "Brent's Brain" at http://www.brenthartinger.com
    Brock Savage's picture

    2 against 1

    I'm with Snicks. The latest 3 were horrible, the first one, though groundbreaking, is horribly directed with some questionable acting (Carrie Fisher's English accent in 1 random scene), and the other 2 are only OK. and George ruined them when he added all that extra CGI crap for no reason in the re-releases.
    Dean's picture

    2 against 2!

    I can't believe you're putting down some of the best work ever to come out of hollywood that wasnt' trash! It was leaps and bounds over anything else that had come out in SiFi for years!
    Brenda647's picture

    Miranda Otto

    Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.  She may not have had the armor on all the time, but she made it count when she did.

     

     

    Brent Hartinger's picture

    I think you agree with ME more than you agree with HIM

    I think the first two are justifiably classics (despite some bad acting moments--they didn't KNOW they were creating a phenom). JEDI is seriously sub-par, and the latest three are among the crappiest big budget movies ever made. Read my books! Explore "Brent's Brain" at http://www.brenthartinger.com
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    Brent Hartinger's picture

    Oops, that was meant for Brock

    Read my books! Explore "Brent's Brain" at http://www.brenthartinger.com
    xander6981's picture

    Marion Ravenwood!

    Thank you for including Marion! She is by far my favorite of all the Indy gals. I was so happy they brought her back for Indy 4...And here I was afraid you had forgotten her...

    afhickman's picture

    My heroes have always been cowgirls

    afhickman

    "It takes a village (to make Village People)"

    Another great heroine was Lori Petty as "Tank Girl," way back in 1995.  The film itself may have tanked, but Petty was fearless, as usual.  And don't forget Gale Davis as Annie Oakley, even further way back on the Wayback machine. 

    Latherr's picture

    Grace Jones! The most

    Grace Jones! The most beautiful woman in the history of the universe.

    It was her birthday yesterday. Can you believe that Piece of Perfection is 61?!

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    Defft's picture

    Editors--Don't you get it?

    We, the readers, hate when you re-post articles.  You already have a special section at the bottom of the main page for recommending older posts--don't post old ones in the new posts section.

    We would much rather NOT have a post, than to click on one only to find out we read it months ago.

    Thank you.

    Cosmic Lad's picture

    I respectfully disagree

    Really, I disagree here.  It seems like with summer it enters a 'slow time' here, and while I love reading the new articles, having reposts of some older (yet still relevant) articles can prove entertaining.  Or at least distrcting from my drudgery of work.  So, I like seeing them!  8)
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    Joseph's picture

    I'm afraid I have to agree

    This sudden influx of archived articles is disappointing. There's already so much going on gay media representation that there should be no need to re-post articles from a year or two ago. Why, for example, isn't there already a blog post about Rachel Maddow's wonderful interview with Lt. Col. Victor Ferhenbach, a highly decorated 18 year veteran of the Air Force, getting kicked out because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which Pres. Obama has still done NOTHING to end.
    seanb's picture

    Joseph  -  My post below

    Joseph  -  My post below was a reply to Defft, not to you.  But I hope you've seen that there now is a post about Rachel's interview, which I saw last night.  (And I agree with you, it was wonderful.)

    If the reposting isn't blocking new content (and I don't see any reason to think that), then what's the harm?  Not everyone has been reading the site every day for the past few years.

    seanb's picture

    That's silly

    If you click on a post and discover you've read it, then click away!  You'll have wasted five seconds of your life.  Meanwhile, people who don't read every single post every single day, or who haven't been reading every single post for years, can be exposed to interesting new (to them) posts. 
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    Dennis Ayers's picture

    Defft

    We post from 8 to 10 new blog posts a day and these occasional archive posts are not intended to be a replacement for new content. However, we have grown substantially in the past year and some of our older posts are definitely worthy of a re-airing for the many many new readers we now have.

    We have only done a maximum of one of these archive posts a day and judging from the actual page views these archive posts receive they are often the most popular post on the blog for the day.

    I'm sorry if they annoy you, but respectfully every one of them has a little dog tag in the bottom right corner of the teaser image that reads "Afterelton Archive." If you don't want to read it then don't click on those.

    Again, we're only posting at most one of these a day, and once we run through the really interesting older posts we'll stop doing even that.

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    Defft's picture

    Archives

    I'd still rather you tag them on the home page instead--or at least by the title instead of under the pic.

    And if you've been reading comments on these posts, you'll see that I'm not the only one who has commented on this--although I was the first one to do it on this particular re-post.

    art-a-miss's picture

    milla?!??!??!

    you forgot milla jovovich!!

    resident evil!

    the fifth element!

    .45!

    ultraviolet!

    she was even katinka in Zoolander!!

    come one!!

     

    Anonymous's picture

    Xena: Warrior Princess

    This is a outrage i demand you place Xena on this list she IS the warrior princess,she looked like she would drink your blood,Conan is a wussy compaired to this FIERCE women.

    Lucy Lawless has a look that could make you run away crying.

     

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    snicks's picture

    in my own defense...

    I restricted it to big screen ass-kicking ladies. Xena was unfortunately limited to TV.
    JC's picture

    Ellen Ripley

    Yup #1 beyatch of all time! I'm an Alien lover (my ringtone for as long as I've had my phone is Ripley's theme).

    And I agree Lucy Lawless deserves a place in the top 10 (Xena and BSG).