Liveblogging "As the World Turns": It's Ameera's party and she'll bore us to tears if she wants to

So today an already disastrous storyline gets even more thrilling when Nameera and Cake plan a birthday party for Ameera. So what kind of party does one throw for a sham wife from another country who has designs on her gay husband and a questionable past? One word: Pinata!

Okay, there probably won't be a pinata, and body shots and a Strip-A-Gram are probably out of the question. Actually, considering the underwhelming production values lately, the kids will likely have to reuse the party festoonery from Brad and Katie's ill-attended engagement party a few weeks ago. Sorry, Ameera ... it's a hard candy Christmas.

Will Ameera's bridezilla birthday demands finally open Noah's eyes to the fact that he's married to a sociopath? Will Luke hire an ICE agent to jump out of her cake?

Click on through the jump and refresh to find out, as it happens! 

UPDATE: Ladies and gentlemen, we have liplock!

More after the jump...

Happy Birthday to Me ... Happy Birthday to Me ... 

2:55PM EDT: Noah comes home and Ameera is tarted up, as expected. How will he react? We cut back after a hilarious fight scene (more on that in a minute) and Noah tells her that she looks great but that's not what he wants, that he's been with women and it didn't work. Ameera says, "you haven't been with me" and she plants one on him.

Meanwhile, over at Emily's office, some guy she apparently slandered in her paper charges into her office, throws Casey against the wall, tosses coffee on her computer, and threatens her with a lead statue. Seriously? Same thing happens every time I write about Richard Simmons, I swear. Oh, hold on - someone's ringing my doorbell...

Preview Time! Luke tells Noah and Ameera that he thinks he should move in. Atta boy! Way to grow a pair.

2:52PM EDT: I rewatched the kiss. (Duh...) Noah looks around, and Luke asks "What about the ICE?", and Noah touches noses with him (Eskimo kiss?) and pulls him over to the wall and lays one on him. Then another, then another. There's a kind of gross, kind of hot spit strand after they part (hey, I'm the guy who won't touch his food, remember? ISSUES.) and they kiss real quick again, then they part, presumably for Noah to go find his wife all Sex and the Citied out and Luke to go hump a fire hydrant.

2:50PM EDT: Okay, I'm still getting over the kiss. Out of nowhere, and very sweet. Good for them.

But even better is that immediately following the kiss, there was an extended commercial for Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD collection. What, the boys kiss and there's no more Christian anthems? Seriously, they had to have planned this. 

2:45PM EDT: The Blonde Obstacle's Obstacle confronts Ice Truck Killer while he's at lunch and tosses the fake love note onto his club sandwich, which would drive me absolutely NUTS. He let paper touch his food! Then again, I eat cookies with a knife and fork. 

Meanwhile, AFD and BO get into a spat on-air where she accuses him of sleeping with the entire Chicago Bulls cheerleading squad. Trying... not... to let... mind... wander...

Luke and Noah wander around together and talk about how nice it is to wander around together. They of course realize that they feel about 120 pounds lighter than usual and start panicking that Ameera isn't with him.

Luke calls Noah a "stand-up guy". Uh, yeah - that's part of the problem. Standing up is all he can do!

OOH OOH! Ameera gets a hot makeover montage! She lets her hair down and puts on lipstick and --

THEY KISSED! Luke and Noah kised! HOLY EFF!! 

Yes, Luke and Noah kiss in public. YAY! We'll reset our clock now, thanks.

2:38PM EDT: Okay, Casey is officially my favorite character on this show now. He tells his mom to lay off and stop harassing his boss. You tell her, tiger!

Luke and Noah meet back up with Ameera. She says that she'll meet Noah at home, that she forgot that she had to do something. Luke and Noah don't find this the least bit odd despite the fact that she's normally attached to Noah like an alien facehugger, and they go home. Ameera goes into the store that Luke and Noah just visited and asks the dayplayer behind the counter for her help. 

2:32PM EDT: Okay, this Lean Cuisine commercial with the women talking about "losing themselves in a chicken Philly" sounds uncomfortably reminiscent to Luke and Noah's "meat sandwich" conversation from the Oakdale Frisky Gay Hot Tub Party episode... 

Austin From Days and The Blonde Obstacle's live broadcast is interrupted by the Blonde Obstacle's Obstacle! I love when people live up to their nicknames.

2:29PM EDT: Luke wonders if buying Ameera jewelry might not be the best way to get her to cool off on the whole "you're not my real wife" thing, and Noah says he just feels bad that she's not having a proper birthday. Luke tells Noah that he's a really gullible great guy and that Ameera is lucky to have a sucker friend like him. 

Meanwhile, Detective Clarice Starling and Emily get into a hot sass-off, which Clarice shouting through the office that Emily used to be a hooker. Zing! Casey of course is less-than-thrilled that his mom is calling his boss a whore. (Note to self ... tell mom not to bring up Michael's past as an exotic dancer...)

2:21PM EDT: Luke meets up with Noah and of course Ameera shows up, too. She's like a remora. Noah and Luke say they need to do something without her and she's all "meow meow ICE, meow meow..." but they ditch her on Maddie Bench and head off. Casey comes along while she's sitting there and they talk about something.

In the store, Luke and Noah shop for Ameera. Luke notes that he never pictured himself buying women's jewelry with Noah. Buying a house and going to Paris, yes; shopping at Kaye's ... not so much. They touch fingers covertly in the shop. Yeah, because nothing about two men shopping in a women's boutique is odd in the least.

Hey -- the guy in the commercial that accidentally sucks up the drapes with the vacuum used to date a girlfriend of mine! He's Canadian. 

2:16PM EDT: Casey tells his mom that in prison he learned how to answer phones, take orders, and keep his mouth shut. What, do the inmates at Oakdale Maximum have to work as operators for Fingerhut or something? And I'm rather alarmed at the implication that he didn't know how to answer a phone until he was incarcerated. I wonder if he expects there to be someone sitting across from him behind bulletproof glass every time he picks up Emily's line?

Austin From Days and BO are making their producer barfy with all their lovey-doveyness, too. Thank heaven. She wants them to argue on camera or follow the script rather than just moon over one another on camera. She says that while their love may be wonderful to them, it's painfully boring to the rest of us. CHURRRRRRRCH!

2:06PM EDT: Emily and Ice Truck Killer blah blah. Sophie and Meg blah blah blah. Austin From Days and Blonde Obstacle blah blah blahbitty blah blah. God, they're just so in love I could barf.

Ice Truck Killer asks Emily to drop off a love note for Mike (the Blonde Obstacle Obstacle) at the hotel, and she asks if he's in love with him. Of course, he's not.

Casey, who has been hired as Emily's assistant, and he has to pick up donuts on the way to work, although he jokes about buying coke to his mother.  

Ameera, in fully Westernized garb (Comfort Zone?) and no scarf, is cleaning up and Noah mentions that Casey sucks for blowing them off. Noah mentions that he misses Luke and Ameera storms out, and when he presses her, she says that it's her birthday and it's really hard being away from home.

She storms off to cry in the bathroom (did she watch Viva Hollywood!?), and Noah calls Luke, who is at the coffee shop studying. Luke tells him to come meet him and he'll help to buy her a present.