Happy Halloween, homos!  Today is a day where cross-dressing is encouraged (if not co-opted by the hetero-set) and walking around with a gaping head wound or an axe is acceptable in the workplace, so enjoy it while you can.  In honor of the day we thought we'd take a look at some of the Horror Hotties of years past that made our blood boil and scared our pants off ... in every way possible. 

There have been a number of gay-themed horror films over the years but guess what guys?  You won't find any of them in my list. Instead I'm going back to the films of my youth (for the most part) and giving you the boys that made me wish they'd take a machete to my skull. Hurts so good!

While I'm a huge horror fan, I'm no bloody Prom Queen like our boy Brian Juergens so don't be all judgy-judge with my choices.  While Jason Voorhees was kinda hot with that burlap sack on his head and Freddy's abs looked toned under that scarred and charred skin of his, they sadly didn't make the list.  So who did?  There's villains, heroes, targets, homos, and even cartoons to behold because that's how I (and heads) roll.

Turn off all the lights, make sure the doors are locked and the windows are shut ... because here's my list of horror hotties.

Last night was the season finale of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency and in previous seasons, I'd be crushed that we have to wait a couple months for more deliciously naughty pseudo-modeling catastrophes but as of right now I'm done.  

Find out why after the break!

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, the plus sized models moved into the house and all hell broke loose. This week, the drama picks right back up with Chandler and Alana fighting about size, space, language and what it means to show a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, while Janice taught the girls how to strip down and seduce a man we were left wondering how long it would take for the boys to reclaim their throne as the most naked folks on reality television.  Well, the wait is over because last night on JDMA, those boys and their buns were high and tight thanks to a new job for the Agency.  All together now: "It's about damn time!" 

Now I don't want you to think that this week was all about boys in underwear, as a huge focus of JDMA this week was on plus size models.  We've heard the that stick figure Janice squawk about it before but when their newest client Seven 'til Midnight demands girls with curves, Janice's son Nathan steps in to fight for fuller figured girls.

J.P.'s not feeling his Doctor Dirty outfit

At the beginning of the casting, AfterElton.com fave J.P. Calderon pulls Janice aside to withdraw himself from the casting.  Dressed as a Dirty Doctor, he voices his opinions on how this will make him look in the eyes of the gay community.  J.P. feels that he is poking fun at his image and doing a diservice to anyone that looks up to him as a gay role model.  Instead of slapping him or firing him, Janice actually sympathizes with his position and supports the man.  It was like bizarro world in the JDMA house for a second.

After the client pickes newbies Xian and Selena to join veteran model and David Beckham look-alike Dominic for their photo shoot, the client explains how they are a company for every kind of person and inquires where Janice's plus-sized girls are.

Check out Janice's priceless plus-sized reaction

You'd think that they had just told Janice that they wanted an unborn fetus to wear a mink stole while rollerskating on the back of a hippo with the way she reacts.  Janice doe everything but slap the client across the face for suggesting she have fuller-figured girls on her roster.

Thank goodness Nathan is there to save the day!  Who knew he'd be the rational one in bunch?  Tasked with finding a crop of cake eaters with only a couple hours to spare, the boy is put to work in hopes of sealing the deal.  Well, he delivers!  In wald three buxom babes ready to change Janice's mind and make her a lot of money in the process.

Ivory, Amber and Alana bring the sass, the sex and the size that Seven til Midnight is looking for but the job goes to Ivory, Nathan's newest discovery.  At the shoot the next day, Ivory is the model that the client loves the most so when Janice walks onto set my heart sinks in fear of how she will act toward her newest star.  

A little costume play for Ivory and Dominic

Just as I feared, Janice acts like a 18 year old frat boy.  The second she sees Ivory in her sexy cop outfit she turns and starts telling Dom that she can't handle seeing the girl's fat behind.  She asks Nathan for a bag that she can throw up into.  It gets so bad at one point that Nathan actually has to push her (by the face) out of the room.  Now, look at Ivory in her sexy cop outfit, the girl is slammin' - at any size - and it's sickening that Janice can't recognize that and show some respect.  

More drama (and a ton more underwear shots!) after the break...

Last week on Top Design 2, the designers were once again teamed up and things got U-G-L-Y-you-ain't-got-no-alibi! Shaz and Preston fought like cats and dogs and Eddie and some attention-starved shop keep almost came to blows ... yet somehow our remaining four gay designers survived to decorate again.

This week starts off in the Designer Lofts where everyone is complaining about the team challenges - all except Schroder who's complaining about being a Mother of Four and how hard it is to be away from her demon spawn.

Okay: First of all, she's married to Ricky Schroder and the fact that she didn't remind everyone this week means that something is askew in the universe. Second, it's not like those kids are homeless on the streets living off their wits alone; worst case scenario, they're up in that Silver Spoons mansion chillin' with Alfonso Ribeiro and riding around in that little train of theirs. 

Ricky Schroder and Alfonso Ribeiro

At the Studio, India and Wacky Wearstler inform the designers (and the audience) of what we've been waiting for all season, that this week is an individual challenge!  Of course, it's not just any individual challenge, it's a Top Design Triathlon!

Instead of swimming, cycling and running this triathlon involves chairs, tables and earthy living spaces.  The first leg of the race is the Chair Leg! 

From purple velvet to hand stenciling, these chairs went from garish to garbage.   The winner of the Chair Leg was Nathan which means that he has immunity for the week. Gosh, what will they win on the 2nd and 3rd legs of the competition? Maybe the Schroder kids (wait, that's not a prize)!

Nathan's designs are killing it this week!

The 2nd Leg involved setting a dining room table.  If my Mother was in this challenge, she'd school these kids but alas, she's just my Mom ... not a TV Mom with super style abilities.  The tables ranged from a crisp and clean silver and white snoozefest to a children's birthday party theme all the way to an informal seaside picnic.  The winner of the 2nd leg of the TD2 Triathlon was once again Nathan. 

Team Gay FTW!

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, the models started shacking up Real World style so this week everyone knew that some of the sexual tension would come to a head *wink wink*

The episode kicks off not with naked pool antics or fist fighting but with shirtless newbie Paul Vandervort trying to put the moves on Traci (seriously has she not learned her lesson yet). The poor kid has no game, but thankfully he's hitting on a model and not trying to impress a Nobel laurete or anything.  The funny thing is that he's totally still hitting on girls by picking on them and making fun of them ... it's grade school all over again.

That was a boring start to the show right?  Well, within minutes a big gay swirling whatsit stormed the JDMA house.  Fashion Designer Merlin Castell is looking to use some of Janice's models for his new high end couture line.  Janice started frothing at the mouth, finally hearing the words "couture" in the same sentence with her agency.  

Designer Merlin Castell, check out that "style turban"!

Merlin is looking for a girl that can give life to his clothes and who has a fierce confident walk, not girls that look like soccer players about to take a sh*t. With his whip in hand, his "style turban" on his head and a mouth that wouldn't stop, he knocked every single model down a notch. He called them fat, he made fun of their style and he certainly didn't appreciate any of their catwalks. Janice convinces him to give her another shot which either means she's about to have yet another open casting call or that she just bought stock in laxatives.

Back on the hot guy front, Janice has been using her super secret spy cameras to catch Chandler Maness calling Traci a whore and a slut for being all flirty with Paul.  Janice confronts the boy and he blatantly lies to her face, telling Janice that not only has he never said that but that Traci is a virgin, prompting the best Janice line of the night: "She's a virgin like I'm a fu*king three-headed ape..."

Chandler gets scolded by Mama Bear

Later that night, "style turban" returns and this time he's wearing some gold russet potato sack of a jumpsuit and the man is still carrying around that whip.  If this isn't a publicity stunt I don't know what one is.  The man hates the JDMA models and seriously is trying to push poor Crystal to the point of suicide with his constant taunting and insistence on her being "too commercial."

Previously on Top Design 2, we lost our first gay designer (RIP #3), Schroder reminded us who her husband is for the 100th time and fall out shelters became bohemian chic. This week the gang will meet their newest clients, previous contestants from Bravo's other reality staple Project Runway.

The episode kicks off in the Designer Lofts and everyone is adjusting to the double elimination last week.  While some of the women take a moment to reflect on the dead, Preston copes by taking his shirt off (screencap anyone?) while Nathan takes the opportunity to boast that he's on the road to winning the competition.  Am I wrong or are there still like 98 designers left before a winner is crowned?  Jumping the gun much #1?  

Can I ask a question before moving on?  The title cards are telling us that Wisit and Eddie are only 30 years old.  Am I the only one that thinks someone's lying about their age?  Forever 21 30 much?  I'm about to turn 35 and Wisit looks like he could be my Dad.  I want birth certificates or I start sawing people in half to count the rings...

The designers head out to meet Host India Hicks at what looks like a gay rainbow sherbet strip mall.  Once again they'll be working in teams of two and leave it to Schroder to be the bitch right out the gate.  She's paired with Preston and is quick to point out that he's been in the Bottom 2 in every challenge so far.  Thanks Schroder, and tell us again who your husband is?  

Project Runway's Santino, Andrae, Daniel, Jeffrey and Sweet Pea

Out walks the designers from Project Runway and instantly Eddie and Nathan melt.  I'm not sure any of the other designers know who the Runway folks are but they feign excitement.  I kid, who doesn't know Sweet Pea, Santino or Jeffrey? What about "Where's Andre?"  I'd like to forget that ridonkulous Daniel who seriously couldn't milk the PR experience more.  I mean hell, he came back on both Seasons 1 and 2 now this?  Someone needs to "Auf" him for good.

DESIGN CHALLENGE: Create a window display around a Runway designed garment.  Seems easy enough right?  Think again, imagine the egos colliding when fashion and interior designers are forced to collaborate?  I see chanelle flying already.

Team Santino is Eddie and Teresa; Team Jeffrey is Wisit and Big Daddy; Team Sweet Pea consists of Ondine and Natalie; Team Where's Andrae is Shaz and Nathan and Team Daniel ends up being Schroder and Preston.  Let the games begin...

This week The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency ramped up the drama by continuing where we left off last week, with Kehoe's crazy ass getting escorted from the house.  The boy just doesn't get that he pushes everyone so far that it eventually had to bite him in that well-toned behind of his. 

If he was so worried about about being homeless and claiming that living in the house was his last resort, then why would he start chomping at the scary wrinkled, yet meticulously manicured hand that feeds him.  Kehoe needs therapy. 

You remember how gay fave J.P. Calderon is always the peacemaker?  Not last night; he followed Kehoe out and read the boy!  He was throwing more shade than an oak tree and I loved every second of it!  "All you're thinking about is trying to be cute, trying to be funny and getting attention.  You need to learn man!"  Let the back peddling begin.

J.P. schools Kehoe

Columbo Janice used her super-spy monitor to deduct that newbie Polina may have an eating disorder.  The girl is eating at 3:30 in the morning and making funny sounds in the bathroom not to mention Janice found a bottle of throat spray under her bed.  Either the girl's interrupted or she's practicing for the next Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest.

This week's big casting was for TINte Cosmetics and it was the first time all season that we've seen Janice's main gay Gabe back in action. He's been enlisted to help make the girls presentable for the client.  With all this good has to come some bad for Janice's main gay but more on that in a minute.

Previously on Top Design 2, we were introduced to the newest crop of designers and there's half a bushel of gays up in the joint this season! We learned that Ricky Schroder's wife is kind of an overbearing shrew of a woman which is sad, really, because he seems like a doll face (with a nice behind). We now have first hand knowledge that despite what you may have heard, there can be too many gays decorating a room. 

Lastly, we learned that my favorite reality elimination phrase was axed in the Top Design revamp. RIP "See You Later Decorator".

This week starts off in the Designer lofts and all the gays are recapping their big losses before they are quickly whisked away to their studio workspaces by host India Hicks and mentor Todd Oldham.  Each designer has to share a tiny 12'x14' space with another designer but these are not just any small rooms ... these are fallout shelters. 

Instantly I'm wondering which gay will break out in song: "Let's do it for our country, the red, white and the blue..."  Ah, Grease 2 ... how I love thee. Oh, and if you're wondering which gay started singing first, apparently that was me.

It's no "Cool Rider" but I still love it!

The pairs hit their fallout shelters and start rethinking the celebration of atom smashing CERN tests thinking about what they'd like to live with for the rest of their lives.  Nature, privacy, spa-like tranquility ... Only two of the gays are bunking up (pun intended) and they've already adapted to co-habitation and being in a relationship:  #1 (Nathan) is already calling #6 (Wisit) honey, isn't that adorable?  This is how the world ends: not with a big bang, but with a soft gay whisper.

Nathan and Wisit sitting in a tree...

Checking in on the other gays, I'm starting to see a pattern developing with #3 (Robert) ... remember how last week he was very bitchy confrontational to #5 (Preston)?  Well this week he's decided to butt heads with his cellmate Jennifer.  I think it might be time for #3 to meet #86 — I'm so over this guy.

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Kehoe got naked, Kehoe forced his way into the new model house, Kehoe got in a fight with newbie Chandler and finally, Kehoe auditioned for the Kentucky Jeans shoot. Guess how this week begins?

Kehoe, in his element underwear

With Kehoe getting naked and showering in the model house pool!  He proves that even if you wake up with morning wood, the pool causes major shrinkage - this boy has issues.  Crystal called him out in the most perfect way: "You can put a shower cap on but you can't cover your %@#$" (There's a cap of it after the break, as it's a wee bit racy an image for you to be gazing at over your morning coffee, believe me.)

In non-Kehoe related news (because I hate giving him more attention), my Ex-TV BF and current gay fave Martin Ritchie spends the beginning of the episode feeling left out because if his enterpreter isn't present, the other models forget to write down what they're saying ... sadly, I have a sinking suspision that this is going to carry over into his first JDMA/Kentucky Jeans shoot.

Janice spends a good portion of the episode obsessively cleaning and trying to make everyone's bed with her "bitch nails" - guess what?  Her OCD is not going to fly in a house with 15 skanky models. Who knew Janice was such a germophobe and ugly American?

Ugly American?  Why's that, Dan?  Well I'll tell you why, kids: Hands down my favorite part of the first half of the episode was Janice ignorantly talking slowly, loudly and closely to her newest protege, Hazuki Kato, as if the girl barely understands the words coming out of her mouth.  She may be Asian, Janice, but that doesn't mean she can't comprehend and speak perfect English.  It's horrible but it's hysterical.  I rewound Janice telling Hazuki she needs to cut her hair about five times, I could not believe it!

If Kehoe got naked earlier in the episode, then it must be time for Janice to rip poor Traci apart for being fat again.  I love that we've gone 4 seasons and this is still an issue. Do you guys think Traci is big?  I mean, she's not Kate Moss thin but she's far from Carnie Wilson.  

At the Kentucky Jeans shoot things finally got really gay!  Some half-naked man-on-man, down-on-the-farm wrasslin' took place between Kehoe and smokin' hot Dominic.