Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey!

Q: Why are the few gay couples that exist on TV so boring--upper middle class, urban professional? – Brent, Seattle, WA

A: Okay, so I wrote this question myself. But hey, I needed an opportunity to plug an upcoming storyline on this Thursday’s Eli Stone involving Pete and Steve, a truly unusual gay couple. How unusual? They’re a pair of gay chimps slated to be separated at a local zoo. One of the lawyers at Eli Stone’s firm (not Eli himself) argues that they love each other and should be allowed to stay together.

The Flying Monkey approves! In fact, he is thinking of starting a break-off website called AfterPeteandSteve.com, devoted solely to the meager media representations of gay monkeys.

Who are these real-life chimps? Well, according to ABC, they do live in the same compound at Working Wildlife, a Frazier Park-based company that trains animals for film and TV. Their names are Jake and…April. “For the size and look of the chimps, we did have to end up using one female,” an ABC publicist admitted.

In other words, TV’s first same-sex monkey couple is played by…an opposite sex pairing?! I guess I have my first article for AfterPeteandSteve.com already!

(Photo Credit: ABC/Ricchard Cartwright)

Seriously, I first tuned into Eli Stone a couple of weeks ago expecting the worst; I absolutely cannot stand Greg Berlanti’s other shows, Everwood (which he created) and Brothers & Sisters (which he executive-produced and on which he was the showrunner) — treacly, over-written crap, IMHO.

But I’ve been so pleasantly surprised by Eli Stone, about a lawyer with an aneurysm who may or may not be seeing visions sent from God of a better world. Loretta Devine is a delight, breathing new life into the tired “sassy black sidekick” role, and star Jonny Lee Miller is wonderful as Eli (added bonus: he’s a total — and I mean total — hottie! Pictures don't do him justice).

Give it a watch: Thursday, ABC, 10 PM. (And let the pro-Brothers & Sisters flaming begin!)

Q: What has David Geffen done for gay programming? – Ben, Western Massachusetts

A: In a question in last week’s column, I noted that David Geffen may be the richest openly gay man in the world; with a $6 billion net-worth, he’s definitely one of the richest men in Hollywood, gay or straight.

So what has he done for gay people? Well, he’s raised or donated hundreds of millions of dollars for charity, including multi-million dollar donations to many AIDS organizations; in fact, he’s said he will donate any money he makes from this point on to charity, and has already given away more than $200 million.

As the founder of Geffen Records, he’s championed many gay and gay-friendly icons, like Rufus Wainwright and Cher (who he, yes, dated and almost married — if a gay guy’s going to date a woman, shouldn’t it be Cher?).

Film-wise, he executive produced Personal Best (1982), perhaps the first big-budget pro-lesbian film, and he produced the quasi-gay vampire film Interview with the Vampire (1994). He also gave us Tom Cruise in his tighty-whities in Risky Business (1983). But it’s true that since founding Dreamworks in 1994 (with Stephen Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg), the since-bought-by-Viacom studio hasn’t gone out of its way to produce overtly gay-themed films, though the studio did produce the TV shows Spin City, Oliver Beene, and Rescue Me, all of which had regular gay or quasi-gay characters.

Q: Is Billy Elliot gay [in the 2000 movie Billy Elliot]? I know he said he was not a “poofter” [British slang for gay], but at close to the end he came back to his [gay] friend before he left for the ballet and kissed him, albeit on the cheeks. I am quite sure it wasn't just a friendly gesture. And he played the male swan lead in Swan Lake at the end of the film. Some say, in the movie, that ballet is a metaphor for homosexuality. Is there any truth behind this? – Mark, Castro Valley, CA

A: The great thing about movies and books is that we’re all free to interpret and imagine the characters however we want, and you’re not the first to think that Billy might be gay. But I think you’re reaching.

The 2000 movie, which I quite liked, tells the story of an 11 year-old boy who is born to dance ballet. But the movie repeatedly emphasizes: he’s not gay. Everyone assumes he’s gay, and he’s definitely on the receiving end of homophobia. But no, the movie says again and again: Billy is not gay. So I think we have to take the movie at its word. Despite the fact that many, if not most of the boys in this situation are gay, the writer or the producers decided that a movie about a ballet-dancing gay kid wouldn’t have an audience — or maybe that just wasn’t the story they wanted to tell.

This annoyed me slightly. The movie seemed to be saying, “It’s okay that Billy likes to dance the ballet because he’s not gay.” Or maybe, “It’s especially outrageous that they’re teasing Billy for liking to dance because he’s not gay.”

Or maybe now I’m reaching.

Anyway, the movie did include Billy’s gay male dancing friend, but since he was a walking stereotype in every possible way, this annoyed me slightly too.

Next Page! Who hates Luke and Noah?