Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey!

Q: What the heck is going on with groovalicious Sam Sparro's American tour this fall? September dates on the west coast were announced hardly more than a week ago, but now I go and look at his website, and the month of September is full of concert dates in the U.K., with nothing at all in America. Is Sam Sparro taunting us? What happened? – Dylan?

A: Incredibly, the band got their US visas denied! “We’re sorting that out as fast as possible,” Jesse Rogg, Sparro’s manager tells the Flying Monkey. “We look forward to confirming new U.S. dates as soon as possible.” When they do, you’ll read it here first.

Sam Sparro

Q: Have you heard of this horrible new show from Canada called Mr. Friday? They get people who hate their job to write in and Mr. Friday does their job for them for a day. The humor comes from the fact that he is so effeminate and everybody laughs at him in these manly types of situations such as firefighter, snake handler, etc. It is really horrible! It reinforces all stereotypes that gay men cannot do anything but hairdressing, and it is just malicious to see everyone laughing at this guy getting hurt. Horrible show! Would love to hear your take on it. -- Sven

A: Kill me now. The Monkey is actually curious as to what the producers of this Slice reality show (who also produced the American version of Queer as Folk) could possibly have been thinking: “I know! What the world needs most right now is a really gay version of Paris Hilton – except even more spoiled and annoying!”

Clearly, the joke is all on Derek Friday, supposedly an ex-fashion model and trust fund baby who must trade his high life for elbow grease every Friday, in order to keep getting his allowance.

Derek Friday of Mr. Friday

Is Derek for real? The producers make it sound like he is, but frankly, the Monkey doesn’t care. As you say, Sven, the whole point of the show is to laugh at him as he humiliates himself — the same tired, anti-gay shtick that Richard Simmons has been doing in the U.S. for the last decade or so. It’s a gay version of the old “minstrel” shows, where white American audiences would get together to express their hatred of African Americans by laughing at the most extreme caricatures of them. Whether “Mr. Friday” is “real” or just an actor pretending, the Monkey is appalled.

Q: Okay Mr. Know-it-all. What can you tell me about the upcoming Drake & Josh movie? I just love Drake Bell, and the series on Nickelodeon had gay jokes in almost every episode, and they even kissed a few times. And surprisingly, Josh Peck is now an up and coming dramatic actor. -- William

Josh Peck (left) & Drake Bell

A: Well, ahem, Drake and Josh played step-brothers on the teen sitcom in question, so the kisses you’re talking about were on the cheek.

As for Drake and Josh’s eponymous Nickelodeon teen series (which used their real first names, but not their last ones), the two real-life best friends played sort of Odd Couple-ish teen step-brothers. The show ended its four-year run last year, however there are, in fact, not one, but two movies about the characters currently in development — one a Christmas TV movie and one for theatrical release.

Next Page! Henceforth we dub thee "Ollian," and Keira Knightley drops her H's.