Ask the Flying Monkey! (July 6, 2009)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey! (Please include your city and state and/or country.)

Q: I know Darryl Stevens is gay, but were there any other stars of Noah’s Arc who were?

The cast of Noah's Arc. Top row (l to r): Darryl Stephens, Douglas Spearman, Jonathan Julian, Christian Vincent. Bottom row (l to r): Rodney Chester, Jensen Atwood, Wilson Cruz, Gregory Kieth

A: At some point early in the production of the show, the Noah’s Arc cast members made a pact not to say which actors are, or aren’t, gay in real life. It was an interesting decision at the time, but by this point, I admit to getting a little tired of all the caginess.

I guess I get it: these are acting jobs. It doesn’t matter who’s really gay. And I definitely don’t believe in outing – actors have a right to decide for themselves when, and if, to come out. I’m sure it’s no picnic finding work as an African American in Hollywood, much less an out gay one.

The thing is, these are iconic gay roles. In this case, they are more than acting jobs, and it kinda does matter who’s really gay in real life. It’s still the actor’s choice, of course, and I guess “no comment” is always better than an outright lie.

But at some point, I hear their nonsensical responses to the question, “Are you gay?” and I start to roll my eyes. Sean Hayes may or may not be gay, but after a decade of his refusing to give a, uh, straight answer to a simple question, I’m not sure how much a fan I am of that particular actor anymore.

Obviously some of the Noah’s Arc actors have broken the pact. In addition to Stephens (Noah), Doug Spearman (Chance) has also come out (and second season guest star, Wilson Cruz (Junito), not part of the original pact, has long been out). I used to think Jensen Atwood (Wade) and Christian Vincent (Ricky) had confirmed the fact that they’re straight, but after reading a bunch of interviews with them, I don’t know any more. I’m also just as confused about Gregory Keith (Trey) and Rodney Chester (Alex).

Q: Chappelle's Show once featured a hilarious segment called “The Racial Draft” wherein celebrities of mixed racial descent are picked by one race or another. In a "Gay/Straight Draft," for whom would Neil Patrick Harris be worth trading? Jake Gyllenhaal? Would you broker a deal to get rid of Perez Hilton if it meant accepting, say, Dick Cheney, Eminem, or Rush Limbaugh? -- Brittney, Atlanta, GA

A: While I would be over the fricking moon to have our community finally be rid of the waste of oxygen and computer pixels that is Perez Hilton, Limbaugh is a deal-breaker, and Cheney might be even worse.

As for Neil Patrick Harris, like Ellen, I kind of think it’s impossible to overstate the impact he’s had on what it means to be gay in Hollywood and America. And what makes it all the more incredible is that, like Ellen, he’s done it simply by being true to his incredibly appealing, multi-talented self. Trade him for Gyllenhaal just because some people think the Brokeback Mountain actor is hot?

Not in a million years.

Here’s who I might trade: closeted gay actors, whether they play gay roles like those I mentioned in my previous answer, or not. As I said, I respect their right to make whatever choice they make, and no one should be forced out of the closet if they’re not ready.

But I compare them to actors like Harris and DeGeneres, thinking about all the good those two have done, and I think, “What a waste.” It’s not that I think closeted gay actors should be run out of town on a rail. But if a trade with a random straight actor made them more likely to actually be out, well, would that be such a bad thing?

Incidentally, that sketch is a pretty funny idea, but couldn’t Chappelle have made exactly the same jokes without resorting to those stupid racial stereotypes? Isn’t that like how sketch comedy writers always give the gay character a lisp and a feather boa to identify his homosexuality? Seems like lazy writing to me.

Next page! Tara's Jason Lawrence, plus cute older brothers of classic TV.